March 22, 2003 | 10:23 PM Central Time
Try Saying...

Here's a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases so that proper exchange of ideas can continue in an effective manner in the office, without risk of offending our more "sensitive" coworkers...

TRY SAYING:

Perhaps I can work late.

INSTEAD OF:

No fucking way.

TRY SAYING:

I'm certain that isn't feasible.

INSTEAD OF:

No fucking way.

TRY SAYING:

Really?

INSTEAD OF:

You've got to be shitting me!

TRY SAYING:

Perhaps you should check with...

INSTEAD OF:

Tell someone who gives a shit.

TRY SAYING:

I wasn't involved in the project.

INSTEAD OF:

It's not my fucking problem.

TRY SAYING:

That's interesting.

INSTEAD OF:

Who gives a shit?

TRY SAYING:

I'm not sure this can be implemented.

INSTEAD OF:

This shit won't work!

TRY SAYING:

I'll try to schedule that.

INSTEAD OF:

Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?

TRY SAYING:

He's not familiar with the issues.

INSTEAD OF:

He's got his head up his ass.

TRY SAYING:

Excuse me?

INSTEAD OF:

Eat shit and die.

TRY SAYING:

So you weren't happy with it?

INSTEAD OF:

Kiss my ass!

TRY SAYING:

I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.

INSTEAD OF:

Fuck it, I'm not working overtime!

TRY SAYING:

I don't think you understand.

INSTEAD OF:

Shove it up your ass, moron.

TRY SAYING:

I love a challenge.

INSTEAD OF:

This job sucks.

TRY SAYING:

You want me to take care of that?

INSTEAD OF:

Who the hell died and made you king?

TRY SAYING:

I see.

INSTEAD OF:

Blow me.

TRY SAYING:

I think you could use more training.

INSTEAD OF:

You don't know what the fuck you're doing!

I don't know about you, but, I've been needing some cheering up lately. I haven't talked to my sweetheart as much as I'd like to, my anti-depressants haven't been working and I've had the flu... this list of jokes did the trick.

before | after

---

Goodbye... and EFF YOU! - January 14, 2004
This... sucks. - November 30, 2003
High on Life... and hyper as hell. - November 28, 2003
Happy Thanksgiving, not so happy. - November 27, 2003... Thanksgiving Day
100 exciting things about me... hehe,.. not. - November 25, 2003