April 23, 2003 | 11:30 Pm Central Time
The Salute to Life and Death

In an effort to modernize, to change, to let go of the past and embrace something new, this is the announcement of a new design all up in this place.

It never fails to amaze me how an entire night can drift away, getting lost in code, in photo editing, in trying to get it to fit Just Right. And somehow it does, and somehow, it always manages to catch up with me.

But for now, it seems a little warmer, more inviting. This Hole I've Dug Is Mine Forever.

Today I watched the many firetrucks, the many K-9 units, the many police cars and the one hearse pass me by... and 200 cars following that hearse.

Jonathan L. Gifford, the thirty year old marine private killed when his platoon came under fire while trying to secure a bridge over the Euphrates River.

He was a part of the 1st Battalion, 2nd Regiment, 2nd Marine Expeditionary Brigade. He died March 23 in fighting as his unit worked to secure bridges on the outskirts of Nasiriyah.

It hurt me to know that someone from my humble town had died but, today as I watched the funeral procession... when I saw the hearse... the first thing that came into my mind was "in there carries the body of a proud marine who was fighting for our country and freedom" and it was my own natural habit to salute.

G-d Bless Jonathan and all of our other troops, Come back home safely!!!

I have wanted the join the military since I was twelve years old. I have always wanted to either become a fighter pilot for The United States Air Force or be in infantry for the marines/army.

I pretty much gave that decision up when I realized that if I took on a career like that, I would never be able to get married or have a family... and having a family is very important to me.

I've already missed out on a lot of things in life, and I don't want motherhood to be another one of those things. There are really tons of things that I want to be. It's kind of like that quote... "...All she wants to be is everything, all she wants to do is everything."

It's been a while since I have written, I know... I have just been lost in my thoughts. I've been trying to figure out my life, and figure out what to do about the people who are a part of it... I am trying to figure out how to explain to the one that I love that I need him more than anything. (You know who you are.)

It's more than just that, though. I'm sure that most of you know that I am on medication for manic depression and hallucinations and I haven't taken any of that for a month now, it has been making me way too sick.

This is all I am going to say tonight, though. I am going to leave you with another one of my odd quotes.

"How can death be the end when life is so amazing? It may be the end of your body, but your spirit, heart, and brain still lives on. How can a loss of heartbeat possibly change all of that?"

-- Me

before | after

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Goodbye... and EFF YOU! - January 14, 2004
This... sucks. - November 30, 2003
High on Life... and hyper as hell. - November 28, 2003
Happy Thanksgiving, not so happy. - November 27, 2003... Thanksgiving Day
100 exciting things about me... hehe,.. not. - November 25, 2003