August 15, 2003 | 7:50 PM Central Time
Just a normal 78 hours

I am almost done with my book... I have one chapter left and then I will have completed "In the Arms of a Stranger" by Kristen Robinette. I just started it yesterday, very addicting. Most of me is dying to read the last chapter and find out if they live happily ever after but, another part of me is looking at these fictional life stories in a new perspective.

Maybe I should wait to read the last chapter... I have always read these books to take a step out of my crazy life and into someone else's... but, I wonder... should I finish it? We don't know how life is going to turn out until we're six feet under... we don't know who we're going to fall in love with, who we're going to break up with, who we're going to meet and figure out that the best part of breaking up is to find someone else that you can't live without and can't get enough of.

So maybe I should skip that last chapter and let the story unwind itself... maybe read it in the future. I think this all came up because two days ago, I had an argument with Justin... nothing unusual but this argument was so intense that I was convinced that I hated him... and that I never wanted to see him again.

I said so many hurtful things to him on the phone that night... and yesterday when I got off of work... I almost called him and left a voicemail apologizing. No matter what he has done to me, there is no excuse for some of the things that I said... any of them. Kind of like how I have decided that I should never update my journal when I am contemplating suicide or an overly hyper... I give out a bad impression.

I had been staying the night with my other best friend Laura when I was on the phone with Justin and we had the fight... after she found me crying in her bedroom when she came back upstairs, she immediately made me feel better... and we drove to a park nearby her house at 9:30 PM and chatted while we were on the swings... and then we went to Walmart... how could Walmart NOT make anyone feel better? LOL.

I just felt the need to update you on that little part of me life, even though now my two best friends in my town hate each other... well, Justin doesn't hate Laura... he's always thought that she's a nice person but she DISLIKES him very much now... that's a better word. She is just very mad at him for making me cry again.

The next day (yesterday) at work was the worst, I had been having breakdowns all day because of Justin... and my favorite resident there went back home that day... I should be happy for her but I worry about her. She has nobody to take care of her except me and I am afraid that I won't be around often enough for her. I work in a nursing home by the way. So yeah... the past two days have sucked but today was a great day.

Tomorrow is Colin's birthday... HAPPY 26th!!!

That's another thing I have to be grateful for... for all of the people who have brought G-d into my life... David, Justin, and Colin who is a chaplain at the nursing home (It's a Christian nursing home). I am still laughing my ass off, though. Yesterday, Colin was trying to get more residents to come to bible study and he asked one resident "You're not coming to my bible study? Do you think you're going to go to heaven?" and the resident said "Yes, I do." Well, I was being a smartass and said "Hey Colin, I am Jewish... am I going to heaven?" and he replied, "...I don't have to answer this." And my coworker, Danny, goes... "Amanda is going to JEW HER WAY IN to heaven!" I couldn't help but to bust up laughing.

But yes, that is my entry for today yesterday, and the other yesterday. :-P

Godbless, Godspeed and THINGY MABOBBER!

before | after

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Goodbye... and EFF YOU! - January 14, 2004
This... sucks. - November 30, 2003
High on Life... and hyper as hell. - November 28, 2003
Happy Thanksgiving, not so happy. - November 27, 2003... Thanksgiving Day
100 exciting things about me... hehe,.. not. - November 25, 2003