August 18, 2003 | 8:43 PM Central Time
Like A Movie

I can't wait until I get my own template back up here... I really do need to get my arse in gear and start working on that, just can't seem to find the time anymore, I just recently worked nine days in a row and I am too exhausted to do anything right now. Another problem is I wasn't too familiar with programming when I made the last template... I mainly read about it as I went along and fell in love with the hobby but it's been so long that I have to re-teach myself how to wed design... that's also taking up my time. I want to LEARN to do it and not have to do homework on it everytime that I make a new template... so yes, it will be months before I get my own template up here. Plus I have to find cool colors and a cool picture... I can't wait to get a good digital camera.

I can see myself already walking around town and snapping my camera at everything I see. I especially want to go into the parks and go to the lake and take pictures... landscapes have always been my favorite... I mainly like to use templates with flowers on them as you can see... templates for myself anyway. I really like to personalize my photos and templates. Everything I do seems to have a personal touch behind it. Especially my writing as most of you have noticed.

Hell, for all I know-- it could be a year before I get a new template up her but hey, it's the thought that counts. I just need to find time to learn how to do HTML without looking it up. I can't believe working and going to school has made my life this hectic... where will I find time to do stuff when I have children? Damn. Another reason could be that I am just lazy... nah, I have a lot of projects I am working on in my life right now. Remodeling my bedroom is one of them. I am stuck in this damn place for two more years... might as well make it my own.

That and I am seeking to find myself but there is no way that I can do that under my parent's roof so I always feel like I am constantly doing something in my life-- even if I am just thinking about my life, I feel totally busy and feel like I don't have any time in the world to do anything else. Does that make sense?

What I really need is, before I got to college to live in an apartment or rental house on MY OWN for a year or two just to collect myself... be single for a while (which will never happen because I am too much in love to let him go) and just explore myself.

I really just want time to do the things I love like play in the rain and mud, climb trees, skin up my knees... be myself once again. I wish this depression would go away. I need medicine that will work... I want to be able to have a good night's sleep again... I want to be able t enjoy the things that I used to, I want to be able to have the concentration to take my time and do my school work and learn new hobbies, a new language.

I need medicine.

This wasn't actually the point of making this entry tonight, the point was that I heard a song today that reminded me exactly of me (and I just downloaded it from Kazaalite too). Here are the lyrics:

"Like A Movie" by Midtown

She tries to erase

She tries to replace

How it feels, but I...

Know she can never go home

She tries to erase

She tries to replace

How it feels, but I...

Know she can never go home

Tried to forget about

Living a good life

Free of positions

Make her feel vulnerable

She's loved and she's lost

She failed in the call

She seeks to find the answer, now

Woke up today around 6 in the morning

Violently shaking, remembering what she once saw

She bared it alone

So she carried on

She seeks to find the answers for...

The reasons her life did not turn out...

More like a movie

She's trying to forget it all

She tries to erase

She tries to replace

How it feels, but I...

Know she can never go home

She tries to erase

She tries to replace

How it feels, but I...

Know she can never go home

The reasons her life did not turn out...

More like a movie

She's trying to forget it all

I don't believe in anything

But I believe in you

I never trusted anyone

But somehow I trust you

And if I fall away, someday you might find me

If I fall away, someday...

before | after


Goodbye... and EFF YOU! - January 14, 2004
This... sucks. - November 30, 2003
High on Life... and hyper as hell. - November 28, 2003
Happy Thanksgiving, not so happy. - November 27, 2003... Thanksgiving Day
100 exciting things about me... hehe,.. not. - November 25, 2003