2003-10-31 | 7:18 p.m.
...In the doghouse?

I've spent the entire day thinking about how I can change my life around, now that everything is out in the open.

All I know is that I can't go back, I can only move forward. I've tried to have that attitude before. I would take one step forward and then two steps back.

I'm not really sure if I am in the doghouse or if everything is going to be okay.

All I know is that I have a man in my life that I love more than life itself whether he knows it or not. I have a cat who is my daughter and licks my toes every morning three minutes before my alarm goes off. I have a family who used to be supportive of me at one point, I am not sure if that applies right now or not but, I am cheerful. I have a roof over my head and a job and lots of gatorade in the fridge.

What I don't have is a security for my future, I don't know if I will ever go to college and make anything of myself, but I am cheerful. I don't know if I will pass Driver's ED or not but, I am cheerful. I don't know if my bisexual side will ever come back or not but, I am cheerful.

For those of you who don't know what in the hell I am talking about, you probably won't ever know. I use metaphors in my journal so only those who are closest to me can actually understand to some extent and the rest can only wonder what is running through the fragile little mind that is my own.

There is nothing more to say really... I don't really want to talk about it anymore. I just want to be able to move on like nothing ever happened and walk around smiling and being Amanda Gigglebox and telling myself that life is okay, that I am okay.

Happy Halloween.

before | after

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Goodbye... and EFF YOU! - January 14, 2004
This... sucks. - November 30, 2003
High on Life... and hyper as hell. - November 28, 2003
Happy Thanksgiving, not so happy. - November 27, 2003... Thanksgiving Day
100 exciting things about me... hehe,.. not. - November 25, 2003