October 22, 2003 | 3:43 PM Central Time
And I lay me down to sleep...

I'm going to be very honest... my medication is helping me a lot... it makes me feel a lot more normal but sometimes I am still depressed... not manically, though. That normal everyday depression that people go through. I'm not perfect.

For the first time in a long time, I cried myself to sleep the other night missing someone terribly. I don't really talk about the love of my life too much, that doesn't mean that I don't think about him every minute of everyday, though. The silliest things remind me of him.

I don't know, I feel like I could cry right now. I'm so happy and blessed and still fighting ghosts from the past at the same time. Sometimes it's too much to handle.

I really wish you could hold me right now. I want... need to feel your arms wrapped around me so badly right now. I need a should to cry on, really. I'm not really sure why I want to cry, though.

But on a higher note, I get my braces off in December.

I have two favors to ask everyone... two petitions that need to be signed. The first one is to put rapists in jail quicker... instead of having DNA smaples sitting on shelves for eighteen months. Go here: http://lifetimetv.com/community/olc/violence/debbie_smith_pledge.html

And the second is for the cause of Breast cancer... Sign your name to help prevent breast cancer. By doing so, you'll ensure that women who are diagnosed with breast cancer won't have to worry about being booted from the hospital just after undergoing a mastectomy! The Breast Cancer Patient Protection Act will guarantee women a minimum hospital stay of 48 hours following this procedure.

Go here: http://www.lifetimetv.com/reallife/bc/pledges/bc_mast_pledge.html

And on another note... not really sure if it's high or low... here is a poem that was e-mailed to me this morning...

"Death is Nothing at All" by Henry Scott Holland

Death is nothing at all.

I have only slipped away into the next room,

I am I and you are you,

Whatever we were to each other, that we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name,

Speak to me in the easy way which you always used,

Put no difference in your tone,

Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow,

Laugh as we always laughed,

At the little jokes we enjoyed together.

Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.

Let it be spoken without effect,

Without the trace of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant,

It is the same that it ever was.

There is unbroken continuity.

Why should I be out of mind,

Because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you, for an interval,

Somewhere very near,

Just around the corner, all is well.

before | after

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Goodbye... and EFF YOU! - January 14, 2004
This... sucks. - November 30, 2003
High on Life... and hyper as hell. - November 28, 2003
Happy Thanksgiving, not so happy. - November 27, 2003... Thanksgiving Day
100 exciting things about me... hehe,.. not. - November 25, 2003